A lot of people try to persuade and bribe me into selling them beer after 2 am, which is illegal in Montana. (Most of them are so obnoxiously drunk I wouldn't sell them beer even if it were before 2 am, as it's also illegal to sell beer to people who are obviously intoxicated.)
One guy offered me $100 if I would sell him a six-pack of Budweiser. Another guy threw a $50 bill on the counter and walked out with a 24-pack of Pabst. (I followed him out. After explaining to him he was on camera and I had his license plate number he reluctantly returned the beer and took his money back.)
But my favorite happened a few nights ago:
A good looking college-age couple came in and brought a 12-pack of Coors in bottles up to the counter.
"I'm sorry," I said, "But I am not allowed to sell beer after 2:00."
"Oh come on!," said the woman. "It's my boyfriend's birthday and we need to celebrate."
I looked at the guy and said, "Happy birthday, but I am sorry I can't sell beer after 2:00"
"Don't be an asshole," the guy said.
The woman cut him off and looked at me in a very sexy, flirtatious manner.
"Oh come on, won't you sell beer to me?" she said.
"Are you trying to flirt with me for beer?" I asked.
She smiled.
"Well, if you've got it, use it, right?"
"I suppose," I said, "But you got the wrong guy. Your boyfriend would have a better chance at that, but it still won't work."
To which her boyfriend immediately responded: "Hey, I ain't no faggot dude!"
The woman holds the beer out over the floor and says, "What if I drop this?"
"Well, I suppose I would be cleaning up the mess while the police are on the way," I replied.
"I would just say it was an accident," she said.
I point to one of the cameras.
"Smile, you're on candid camera," I say. "The police can watch and listen to this whole conversation."
They put the beer down on the counter, and they both call me an asshole.
"Happy birthday!" I shout to the guy as they're leaving.
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