Sunday, February 22, 2015

Semper Fraudatorem

2:15 AM:

A young drunk guy comes in with a bit of blood and a bruise on his face.

"What happened to you?" I ask.
"Oh, I got in a fight at the bar," he says.
"What's the other guy look like?"
"I kicked the dude's ass," he replies. "I was a Marine; I know what I'm doing."
"Well, Semper Fi," I say.
"Huh?"
"Semper Fi!"

He looks confused.

"What was your MOS?" I ask.
"What do you mean?"
"Your Military Occupation Specialty . . . what did you do in the Corps?

An awkward pause.

"I'm not allowed to talk about it."
"No? That secretive, hey?"
"Dude, you don't even know."
"I understand. Where did you go to boot camp?"
"I didn't go to boot camp, they sent me right to recon school."
"Really? Wow! You must have been good. Did you go to ARS at Fort Story?"

Another awkward pause.

"Dude, I said I can't talk about it, okay?"
"I can see that," I reply. "Are you 'dual fool' and all that high-speed shit?"
"I can't say," he says.
"I bet you can't. . . If you told me you'd have to kill me?"

He laughs. Sort of.

"I bet you've seen some shit, huh?" 
"Dude, you don't even know!"
"I can't even imagine."

Right about then the f'real machine in the back of the store kicks on, making a loud humming noise as it begins its nightly self-maintenance cycle. He looks towards it.

"What's that?" he asks.
"I think the bullshit meter just went off," I reply.

Another awkward pause.

"Dude, you don't have to believe me."
"I don't."
"Fuck you dude, I'd like to see you try doing what I've done."
"Did Brian Williams cover your unit and see some action with you?" .
"Who?"
"When is the Marine Corps birthday?" 
"Huh? Dude, I had more important things to worry about than birthday parties."
"I see. Can you tell me what Marine won five Navy Crosses?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" he asks. "What do you know about the Marine Corps?"
"Not much," I say. "I'm trying to learn; that's why I'm asking."
"I told you, dude, I can't talk about it, okay?

He buys a pack of Camel Filters and heads out the hatch (a mere door to him).

Semper fi! 

1 comment:

  1. How are there no comments to that story?! That was a fantastic read! I love well told stories about posers getting caught stealing valor. It's an epidemic, and I believe all of us (vets) have an obligation to call-out these frauds at every opportunity. Well done Marine.

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