"Dr. Pepper speed drinking champion of the world."

At about 2:15 a.m. I get a mini after-the-bars-close rush of a half dozen people. One of them comes up to the register with a bag of Lays Classic potato chips and a Hershey bar with Almonds. He also puts a one-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper on the counter which is half full (although I am pretty sure he thought it was half empty). He seems pretty drunk.

"Is that one of ours?" I ask, pointing at the Dr. Pepper and wondering if I should ring it up.
"No," he says. "Do you really think I could drink all that since I got here?"
"Just asking," I say. "No big deal."

He takes an old Snickers candy wrapper out of his pocket and throws it on the counter in front of me.

DR. PEPPER MAN: "Here, I brought that with me too. Are you going to accuse me of stealing that too?"
ME: "I wasn't accusing you of stealing anything. I was simply asking if you were buying it from us. Sometimes people come in, grab something to drink, drink some of it while shopping, and bring it up to the register to pay for it. It's really no big deal. I did not think you stole it."

He holds up the bottle and shakes it a little.

DR. PEPPER MAN: "Do you really think I could drink all that in the short time I've been here?"
ME: "I don't know. You never know. I was simply asking. No big deal."
DR. PEPPER MAN: "Try thinking . . . Seems common sense to me. Nobody is going to drink all that that quickly."

(Apparently, he never watched Forrest Gump: "The best thing about visiting the President is the food! Now, since it was all free, and I wasn't hungry but thirsty, I must've drank me fifteen Dr. Peppers." Forrest then tells President Kennedy, "I gotta pee.")

ME: "Look, I don't know you. For all I know you could be the Dr. Pepper speed drinking champion of the world."
DR. PEPPER MAN: "What?"
ME: "Have you ever entered or won a Dr. Pepper speed drinking competition?
DR. PEPPER MAN: "Huh? . . . um . . . no."
ME: "Well see, I didn't know that. If you had told me that earlier I wouldn't have bothered asking you if it was ours. Thanks for the clarification."